Declaring Peace on The War on Christmas

Years later, I still stand by these sentiments that I wrote one December. Here is why I wish you Happy Holidays.

(Begin Letter)

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, but no, there is no "War on Christmas."

If you are the sort that becomes angry when wished a "happy holidays" instead of a Merry Christmas, then this is for you.

I appreciate a Merry Christmas. It makes my heart glad that you want me to have an enjoyable day on both Christmas Eve and Day (Dec. 24th and Dec. 25th), but just as Jesus would tell us to go an extra mile, I wish that all of the holidays are happy for you without regard to whether or not you celebrate them.

The eight-day Jewish celebration of Hanukkah begins at sundown on December 11th this year. Lasting just one day more than a week, I hope this festival of lights brings much light to your life whether you are Jew or Gentile.

The ancient feast of Saturnalia was celebrated by the Romans from December 17th through December 24th each year as a feast featuring the reversal of roles between servant and master. My wish for you during this time is that those you serve show appreciation for the hard work and support you provide to them.

Winter solstice, celebrated by many pagans and neo-pagans, is December 21st. During this longest darkest night of winter, I wish you much hope, light and warmth in your home.

The Nordic tradition of Yule (from which we derive many Christmas traditions and decorations) is celebrated for 12 days starting on December 25th. This is the celebration of the birth of the unconquered sun -- a celebration that the sun has re-emerged from its waning winter slumber and the darkest nights of the year are behind us. I wish you renewal and hope for the future at this time of merriment. (And hope for those of us suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder).

Kwanzaa is celebrated from December 26th through January 1st. This is an African American celebration of the first fruits of the harvest with a focus on family and self-improvement. During this holiday, I hope you find joy with your family and greater understanding with those around you.

When I wish you a Happy Holidays, it is not that I am excluding Christmas, minimizing Christianity or declaring war on your beliefs. I wish you a happy holidays because I hope that you find joy, peace and happiness in every day of the holiday season, whether or not you celebrate every day of the holiday season.

Even if you wish only that I have a Merry Christmas, may all of the holidays bring you happiness. Happy Holidays, Seasons Greetings and may New Years Day find you at least slightly hungover.

(End Letter)

I've been taught since elementary school to say "Happy Holidays" and "Seasons Greetings," and not in some sort of war-on-Christmas, liberal, god-hating, politically correct way. For me, it's about economy of words. There is more than one holiday celebrated at the end of the year. It's easier to simply wish all of your holidays happy than try to guess which one you'd prefer.

That being said. I wish you a Happy Holidays and hope your entire season is bright.

Epic Weekend Update

The JackKnife Barbers had an epic adventure this past weekend.  Playing two shows back to back isn't an experience that I'm unfamiliar with, but the excitement of having our first official gigs since moving to Charlotte was rather energizing.

Our first stop was Spindale, NC for a show at The Ultimate Basement with Red Band Mercenaries, Pinko and (Snuff)alufaFUNK.  The Ultimate Basement is sort of an all-ages club/game room with a huge stage and rather massive sound system.  We had a blast exploring Spindale and rocking out with the aforementioned bands.

We even had time to drop by Plaza Barber Shop in Forest City for a photo shoot.  Plaza Barber Shop is a nearly 100-year-old barber shop with vintage chairs and decor.  You can see the photos on our Facebook page.

Our second show for the weekend was the Gorilla Records Battle of the Bands. Facing some fierce competition, we still managed to come out on top and make it to the second round.  I'll keep everyone posted on when the second round will be.

So what's up next for The JackKnife Barbers?

We'll be playing the first round of Peterson Productions' Battle of the Bands on Saturday, January 5th at The Saloon at NC Music Factory.  Tickets are just $5 and can already be purchased via PayPal or your credit/debit card at www.mattstache.com

Beyond that, we'll be working on two brand new original songs for you at our next rehearsal, and even muddling through our first cover song as well.

We'd like to thank all of our fans and friends for making this weekend such a success. We're looking forward to a great new year and further opportunities to rock your ass for fun and profit.

Of Battles and Broth

If you didn't already notice, The JackKnife Barbers left everyone relatively alone during the Thanksgiving weekend. Our fans were free from incessant posts about "buy tickets now" and "please help us now." We hope you enjoyed your short reprieve because I've returned now with the resolve of a musk ox in free fall and the passion of a short-haired house cat.

You are running out of time to buy your ticket for the Battle of the Bands on Dec. 8th at Tremont Music Hall. Our time slot is based on OUR pre-show ticket sales. The more tickets we sell before the show, the better our time slot.  If you're planning on buying a ticket at the door, you're an asshole because you're not helping anyone. Get your ticket now at www.mattstache.com or send me at email at matt@mattstache.com.

Seriously. If you buy your ticket at the door at 10PM, it's likely that you've already missed our set because we ended up going on at 5:30PM because you didn't buy a pre-show ticket.

Now that I've made that clear, I'd like to say that I hope everyone's Thanksgiving was lovely and that you binged on an obscene amount of turkey (or tofurkey for our vegan friends) and copious amounts of stuffing and potatoes.  What should you do with the leftover turkey? Make turkey sandwiches like a goddamn American! Pick that carcass clean!

And then...

..make turkey broth out of the carcass.

I smoked my turkey, so the carcass has a lovely hickory aroma to it.  Simply follow this recipe:

1 turkey carcass
5 carrots
1 onion
3 stalks of celery
1 head of garlic (yeah, one FULL fucking head of garlic)
Salt and pepper to taste (you can taste, can't you?)

Fill a stock pot with enough water to thoroughly submerge your turkey carcass, bring to a boil. Add the rest of the aforementioned ingredients and cover the pot. Let it boil for four or five hours or until the bones of the turkey fall apart in your hands.  Continue to add water as necessary.

Strain out the bits and pieces and store in your fridge.  You can also pour it into ice cube trays and make turkey broth ice cubes.  You can use these cubes to quickly add flavor to soups or to simply whip up a quick cup of broth when you're in the mood.

Alternatively, turkey broth ice cubes add a fun element to any party when mixing cocktails for that guest that has overstayed their welcome.

Stache's Greens

It's a new year, and it was instilled in me as a young southern gentleman that it is important to ingest several key substances between midnight on New Year's Eve and midnight on New Year's Day (aside from massive quantities of Champagne or sparkling wine). Two of these important edibles are greens and black-eyed peas.

A traditional southern New Year's Day dinner/supper consists of ham, black-eyed peas and greens cooked with hog jowl. In this region, the latter is pronounced so as to rhyme with "y'all" and not "towel." My recipe for greens follows:

1/4lb. hog jowl or a half dozen nice thick slices
2 - 3 slices of thick pepper bacon
2 12oz. bottles of beer (lager, not ale)
1lb. of greens (turnip, collard, mustard... your choice)
3 tbsp pepper vinegar (homemade is best)
2 tbsp red pepper flakes
2 tbsp garlic powder
salt and pepper to taste

The most important thing about greens is to wash them thoroughly. Tear the greens into slightly-larger-than-bite-sized pieces. Greens of all sorts wilt when cooking.

In the bottom of a big enamel pot, cook the bacon and hog jowl until they have given up their grease and are nice and crispy. Deglaze using the two beers, and add the spices and pepper vinegar. Once the "pot liquor" has come to a gentle boil, add the greens, put a lid on it and cut the heat back to medium low. Simmer for 45 minutes or so.